u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
