She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
