Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
