I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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