wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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