Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
