he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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