...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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