So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
