if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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