He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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