I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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