So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry about my life...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
