Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
