So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
