So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
