If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
