when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
