there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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