it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
