He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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