the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My vagina is officially offended.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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