She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
