I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
