We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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