i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
