Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
