He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
