Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
