do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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