I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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