ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
