Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
