I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.