escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I die, sorry about rent.