After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.