thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who