It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.