Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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