when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.