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• (909): View more from California

  dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

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• (925): View more from California

  I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.

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• (138): View more from

  You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."

  (512): View more from Texas

  No more tequila EVER.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.

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