why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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