my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize