my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
