At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
