I'm drive I can fine osifer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
