She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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