wat bout pragnant strippers??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
