Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
