Michael Bay diarrhea
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
