zippers are such a cool invention
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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