Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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