Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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