The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
