I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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