when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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