literally had 100 drinks last night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
