dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
40s are totally the cure
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
