Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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