i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
soo... how was my night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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