fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
