I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
