i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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