Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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