Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
