i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
