Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My penis needs a shock collar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.