She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.