So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it