Dude my mom stole all your condoms
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.