i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed