Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.