yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.