From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.