I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.