i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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