First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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