i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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