dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
