its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
