Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
