Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
