Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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