I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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