Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
