I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
