Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
