omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
