What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
