i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
