He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
