I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
