the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
