"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
