try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
