She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
