wat bout pragnant strippers??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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