you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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