also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
